Junglepixiebelize - Recollections of a Gringa Pioneer
Nancy R Koerner - Copyright@2021 - All Rights Reserved
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
"Stoopid Gringo"
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For the most part, we gringos of the mid-1970’s were white, American, and environmentalist. We were young, strong, and idealistic. We came with little money, love for our brother-man, and good intentions. We were also absolutely freaking clueless.
Mutual discovery had been gradual, happening a little more each week at Saturday morning market in San Ignacio; this was early dry season of 1976. But, by mid-April, our little group of a half-dozen couples had organized Sunday afternoon pot-lucks at our respective homesteads, and rotated the hosting. It was then we found out we’d ALL made the *exact* same |
mistakes, and in the laughter and chagrin of comparing notes, in the laughter and chagrin of comparing notes, the self-deprecating persona of “stoopid gringo” was born.
In this series, I have often laughed at myself as “dumb gringa,” the out-of-place white girl, utterly lost in a foreign culture. But I did not remain lost. Through the years, I immersed myself in all things Belizean, adapted to culture and custom, learned the ropes, became a smart gringa, and came to love my adopted homeland, more than the place of my birth.
Although far from a complete list, here are a few rules on how to avoid being a “stoopid gringo” in the bush.
Lesson #1 – You are not Tarzan. Do not go into the bush wearing a loincloth, and don’t try to swing on a grapevine. They are not flexible, and do not swing anywhere.
Lesson #2 – Don’t use brute-force and testosterone to bluster your way through a new lifestyle you don’t understand. Don’t expect Belize to conform to your standards. It’s *you* who must change.
Lesson #3 – “When in Belize, do as the Belizeans do.” Get local advice, and then TAKE that advice.
Lesson #4 – MACHETE BASICS
a) A dull machete is more dangerous than a sharp one.
b) Know if someone is behind you, lest you disembowel them on your first backswing.
c) Know the density of the bush you’re chopping – some is harder or softer than others.
d) Anticipate the path of your blade with every single swing, regardless of the anticipated resistance.
e) Fail in these guidelines, and you will find your blade deeply embedded in your shinbone. Or you will be looking at your fingers, and only able to count to four.
Lesson #5 – CHOPPING
Give leafy debris a few days to dry out. It will shrink to a quarter of the volume, and a pittance of the weight. Ninety-five percent of gringos expend vast amounts of wasted energy. Learn patience. Work with Mother Nature, not against it.
Lesson #6 – Think in terms of basic physics: the nature and properties of matter and energy. Don’t wish for tools you don’t have. Learn to use what you’ve got. Everything is a resource.
Lesson #7 – Wear a hat. Lose your affinity for blue jeans. Forget leather-soled cowboy boots. Wear ankle-high hiking boots with Vibram soles. Wear a wet bandanna around your neck; it’s a natural air-conditioner.
Lesson #8 – Don’t worry about wearing knee-high boots to guard against snake bite. Any half-assed snake can strike above your knee, and besides, they drop from trees.
Lesson #9 – It’s not the jaguars that will get you, it’s the ants and thorns.
Lesson #10 – If you intend to go camping in the bush, consider using a hammock and a mosquito net, rather than a tent. Once you decide on the gear, *don’t go.* (Seriously, it’s a jungle out there.)
Lesson #11 – Out of fifty-six species of snakes in Belize, only eight are venomous, and almost all are shy. Yellow jaw (a.k.a. fer-de-lance, tommygoff, barba amarillo) is aggressive, and will actually pursue you. If you see one, get-the-hell-outta-there. If you kill a yellow-jaw, its mate is still close-by. They come in pairs.
Lesson #12 – Do not touch white fuzzy caterpillars, scorpions, tarantulas, or the Chagas-disease-bearing kissing-bugs in caves. If army ants approach your house, leave for a few hours, and let them do their thing. They will clean out all the other insects and move on.
Lesson # 13 – Don’t mess with “cow-itch” (nettle family), black poisonwood, or white poisonwood. Beware of thorns: “give-and-take,” prickle-yellow, “cume-bak,” or basket tee-tie. Don’t chop a cockspur, or super-nasty biting ants will rain down on you; they live inside the hollow thorns.
Lesson #14 – Creole is a generic linguistic term. In Belize, we speak Kriol. It is not a dialect. It is a language because we have a real dictionary. (Inglish-Kriol Diksheneri) Learning to speak Kriol will endear you to the Belizean people – even if you do it badly. It gives them something to laugh at, and makes you a good sport.
Lesson #15 – Belizeans will shut you down if you are seen as “rude.” When conversing, first start with the pleasantries of “good morning, good afternoon, or good evening.” Then make polite and sincere inquiries about family before discussing business. Go out of your way to show respect for the Belizean people – and *mean* it.They deserve it. This is their country.
You can’t help being a “dumb gringo” when you first arrive in Belize. But you can learn to be a smart one. Make an effort. Adapt. It will save you a lot of pain.
In this series, I have often laughed at myself as “dumb gringa,” the out-of-place white girl, utterly lost in a foreign culture. But I did not remain lost. Through the years, I immersed myself in all things Belizean, adapted to culture and custom, learned the ropes, became a smart gringa, and came to love my adopted homeland, more than the place of my birth.
Although far from a complete list, here are a few rules on how to avoid being a “stoopid gringo” in the bush.
Lesson #1 – You are not Tarzan. Do not go into the bush wearing a loincloth, and don’t try to swing on a grapevine. They are not flexible, and do not swing anywhere.
Lesson #2 – Don’t use brute-force and testosterone to bluster your way through a new lifestyle you don’t understand. Don’t expect Belize to conform to your standards. It’s *you* who must change.
Lesson #3 – “When in Belize, do as the Belizeans do.” Get local advice, and then TAKE that advice.
Lesson #4 – MACHETE BASICS
a) A dull machete is more dangerous than a sharp one.
b) Know if someone is behind you, lest you disembowel them on your first backswing.
c) Know the density of the bush you’re chopping – some is harder or softer than others.
d) Anticipate the path of your blade with every single swing, regardless of the anticipated resistance.
e) Fail in these guidelines, and you will find your blade deeply embedded in your shinbone. Or you will be looking at your fingers, and only able to count to four.
Lesson #5 – CHOPPING
Give leafy debris a few days to dry out. It will shrink to a quarter of the volume, and a pittance of the weight. Ninety-five percent of gringos expend vast amounts of wasted energy. Learn patience. Work with Mother Nature, not against it.
Lesson #6 – Think in terms of basic physics: the nature and properties of matter and energy. Don’t wish for tools you don’t have. Learn to use what you’ve got. Everything is a resource.
Lesson #7 – Wear a hat. Lose your affinity for blue jeans. Forget leather-soled cowboy boots. Wear ankle-high hiking boots with Vibram soles. Wear a wet bandanna around your neck; it’s a natural air-conditioner.
Lesson #8 – Don’t worry about wearing knee-high boots to guard against snake bite. Any half-assed snake can strike above your knee, and besides, they drop from trees.
Lesson #9 – It’s not the jaguars that will get you, it’s the ants and thorns.
Lesson #10 – If you intend to go camping in the bush, consider using a hammock and a mosquito net, rather than a tent. Once you decide on the gear, *don’t go.* (Seriously, it’s a jungle out there.)
Lesson #11 – Out of fifty-six species of snakes in Belize, only eight are venomous, and almost all are shy. Yellow jaw (a.k.a. fer-de-lance, tommygoff, barba amarillo) is aggressive, and will actually pursue you. If you see one, get-the-hell-outta-there. If you kill a yellow-jaw, its mate is still close-by. They come in pairs.
Lesson #12 – Do not touch white fuzzy caterpillars, scorpions, tarantulas, or the Chagas-disease-bearing kissing-bugs in caves. If army ants approach your house, leave for a few hours, and let them do their thing. They will clean out all the other insects and move on.
Lesson # 13 – Don’t mess with “cow-itch” (nettle family), black poisonwood, or white poisonwood. Beware of thorns: “give-and-take,” prickle-yellow, “cume-bak,” or basket tee-tie. Don’t chop a cockspur, or super-nasty biting ants will rain down on you; they live inside the hollow thorns.
Lesson #14 – Creole is a generic linguistic term. In Belize, we speak Kriol. It is not a dialect. It is a language because we have a real dictionary. (Inglish-Kriol Diksheneri) Learning to speak Kriol will endear you to the Belizean people – even if you do it badly. It gives them something to laugh at, and makes you a good sport.
Lesson #15 – Belizeans will shut you down if you are seen as “rude.” When conversing, first start with the pleasantries of “good morning, good afternoon, or good evening.” Then make polite and sincere inquiries about family before discussing business. Go out of your way to show respect for the Belizean people – and *mean* it.They deserve it. This is their country.
You can’t help being a “dumb gringo” when you first arrive in Belize. But you can learn to be a smart one. Make an effort. Adapt. It will save you a lot of pain.